All hot and bothered

So about a week ago I realized that soon, VERY soon we were going to begin rehearsals. I believe it was the day I went to NY to take photos for the afore mentioned slide show. Mr. Modfab and I were saying goodbye and he said, "see ya a week from Thursday." I was like, "OK yea! SO siked!" But what I really meant was "Oh shit! Really?! That soon huh?" Not that I haven't been working my ass off to get ready for what seems like a Broadway size production on a 12 foot square stage. But, this whole thing got started because I HAD to play Harper. And now it looks like I'm gonna get my wish and haven't really given her any time. Sorry Girl. Of course she'll look great in a "mentally deranged, sex starved, pill-popping housewife" sort of way but, looking good only gets you good reviews in the Miss USA pageant. I ain't gonna win no Oscar lookin' pretty...Just ask Haley.
Anyway, (my point is coming I promise) this show is loooong. And knowing my director friend the way I do, he'll have me standing on my head in the corner while I'm not actually in the scene. Not to mention, I'll bet I'm running from one side of backstage to the other helping with changes and tech. What I'm trying to say is that even when I'm not physically on stage, I am. I'm just sayin' that being that focused for three hours a night 4 nights a week will definitely kick my ass.
I began to consider some things I should do as a performer to get ready. Now, I've done yoga for a long time but never really "practiced" it. Coincidently, they opened a Bikram (hot) yoga place up the street from me so I figured I'd give it a go. Lord have mercy! It's freakin' hot. Like, the room is 105 degrees! Yes, there are ceiling fans but that just moves the hot air around. First thing I thought was NO WAY! I'll never make it and that's when I thought the class was only 50 minutes. No people, it's 90 minutes! And to top it all off, before we begin the instructor announces that if you feel sick or light headed just move to the floor but try not to leave the room. SICK!? LIGHT HEADED am I going to faint!? What the hell, what the hell!? But I can't leave now, I've got my pride. I can do anything...Right?
So, the first section is standing/balancing poses. Now, I try not to ever look in a mirror, even at home, because I just start judging and this was definitely not the place for that. But I caught a glimpse of my big, fat, RED tomato face and wondered how it just hadn't spontaneously combusted as I stood there balancing on one leg with the other someplace behind me and my arms flailing around trying not to take out my neighbor who was probably terrified I would decapitate him. Then finally we were allowed to take a short 15 sec break to take a sip of our water which had heated up to the temperature of piss. Yes, I said piss. Then we did several more impossible poses on the floor and it felt like Christmas when she said we only had 3 more to go. After it was over she suggested we lay there on the floor... Ya know, to meditate, or relax, or bring ourselves back into the room and I was like, "HELL and NO, I'm outta here". OK I lied, I stayed, but only for about 2 minutes MAX!
After it was all over and I was walking home I caught myself trying to figure out when I could make it back and how many times a week I would go. I discovered that what I had just experienced was exactly what I needed and will need. Now, I REALLY hate to get all rainbows and unicorns on ya'll but I've been three times and each time I have discovered something about this exercise that helps me relate how I approach living my life and in turn to Harper and the Angels process. As an example, when I'm in a balancing pose (pick any one, I suck at them all) I find that when I start to wobble I have to tell myself to calm down and relax, even sometimes I move almost out of the pose to save myself from falling instead of just letting go. I get so frustrated that I never get it back. What I should have done is simply let go and approached it again, movin' on sista. Allowing myself permission not to hold the pose. Another example is the heat in the room. I feel like I should be pushing myself harder to get deep into these poses but all I can do is think about how freakin' hot it is and how I can't wait to get to my bottle of piss water. Until last Wednesday's class. I realized that that IS the practice. Truthfully, I've done (or not done) much harder poses but being able accept the struggle of the heat and move through it is the trick. Talk about and exercise in focus!
In my next class, the only thing I'm going to work on is accepting the heat. That it is just a factor that I can't change and that to progress I can't let it let it hold me back. I'm not going to put a time limit on myself and there will be no outward signs of progress but I look forward to the day when all I have to think about is getting by legs up over my head...the hard way. xo

2 Responses to “All hot and bothered”

  1. # Anonymous Anonymous

    "Allowing myself permission not to hold the pose." Boy, is that a life lesson or what? Good on ya, girl.  

  2. # Blogger FleshPresser

    Probably one of the all-time greatest blog posts I've ever read... such great stuff!!!  

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